i made a new friend on the plane
chiemichael: unfreshing: ripkamsud: dis us this us actin crazy smooches to u hataz ewwww y’all ugly dis us sleep of course we cute we black still the best post on tumblr lol
Dad: How do you say 'sorry' in spanish?
Me: 'lo siento' why? You want to be like 'sorry sucka'?
Dad: My helper didn't get hours today so I want to tell him sorry.
Me: Oh, just 'lo siento' then.
Dad: Oh he texted back: "Dis foo, orale pues compa." This guy, how do you say the other thing?
Me: Like, 'mamon'?
Dad: What's that?
Me: Like, you're still sucking your mom's tits because you're a little bitch.
Me: Stick with 'lo siento'
Me: Because he didn't say anything bad to you.
WORK: Accent Boy
So let me tell you all about the fucked up shit that happened to me today. This is the first time a customer has really offended me. Now keep in mind, this customer is an older middle eastern woman who speaks in broken English with a very thick accent. I am going to try and recall what exactly it was that she said, but most of it did not make any sense. So I am helping out this customer and...
Customer: Are you open tomorrow?
Manager: No...It's Christmas.
Me: [Face palm]
Working: Hate cash register
Me: Credit or debit?
Me: May I see your card and ID?
Customer: It's right in front of yo face.
Me: ... [RUDE]
Today at work, E, our security guy caught this ghetto guy stealing dresses for his mama for xmas. It was going to be a regular arrest except it became hilarious when he axed our security guard if he could hook him up with a job because he was “applyin’ and shiet” and no one was hiring him. “Maybe because you’re stealing.” “Oh…True dat.” So...
tonight I work till 1 am. tomorrow I work till 11p. the next day I have to open at 6 am. I will take death by stairs.
WORK: Jesus Lady Strikes Again
You guys! Let me take you on a magical journey and tell you about the Jesus lady’s latest craziness. So the Jesus lady is this lady that comes into work and buys hundreds of dollars worth of merchandise and then returns it later claiming that Jesus told her to do so. One day, Jesus even told her to stop returning the items while we were returning her items. Anyways, one day, our store...
Me: [Brings a pile of clothes to the fitting room for R to deal with]
R: I'm going to re-tangle those necklaces you were separating.
R: I'm going to add bracelets.
Do you have a chair? No? Well I need to sit. If I can’t sit then I’m...– White lady in fitting room. Not that it matters that she was white, but she was white.
You could tell the moment he opened his mouth
J: Curtis, A didn't know that V is gay.
J: Yeah, she was all "Did you know he's gay?!"
Me: What? How did she not know?
J: Right?? I told her "Look at his fucking haircut. No straight man combs his hair like that."
Me: True that.
J: She just said she didn't know.
Nicki Minaj style rap #1
ralphabetsoup: YOU A LITTLE STUPID BITCH. FRONT LAWN. GNOME. GIMME SOME MOTHA FUCKIN HEAD. DOME. THIS SHIT WASN’T BUILT IN A DAY. ROME. I’M REAL ASS SHIT AND YOU STYRA. FOAM. YOU’RE INTERNET EXPLORER AND I’M GOOGLE. CHROME. DAMN, I’M IN THE MOTHERFUCKIN’ HOUSE. HOME. TALK TO YOUR LOCAL RABBI. SHALOM YOUR HURRS A FUCKIN’ MESS. COMB.